Looking Back.

i realised i haven been blogging in ages. as i read through my previous posts which are mostly about toronto, i realised a lot has happened since. the semester back in nus has ended, 6 months have passed, 1 month of holiday and bumming, 4 months of mugging, a few mornings spent watching the sunrise in school from rushing FSA assignments, all the moments studying in school.. i can only remember mugging my ass off in the last sem i wonder why.. anyway it has kinda made me forget a bit about my exchange and the trips that i took along the way. and tonight i just like to kinda remember and enjoy this past for just a little while since i cant sleep anyway.

i look through the US road trip pictures that i have taken and everything seems so long ago. definitely unforgettable with all the shit that happened along the way. maybe i shall go watch the videos again if i realli cant slp. i remember santa monica beach and the empty chinatown in LA. i remember drinking with the nerds and losing in poker. i remember the fucking long road to vegas and the food at danny's somehow. i remember listening to "nobody knows" along hoover dam.

i think of montreal and niagara, where we lost our fucking money and the souvenior chip that i bought for us. i think of the emo times in montreal when we were just emoing over i cant remember what.

i think of the new york trip, where bobby fucking puked all over me. i think of the time when we all fell asleep during the broadway play. i remember listening to "we belong together" and "i wanna know what love is" while walking in central park. i remember sprinting down some alley in tt park.

i think of europe. i remember the icy cold in helsinki, the long walks we had to take to the olympic stadium and it ended up being closed. i remember taking the buses everywhere, to the shopping malls. i remember losing my suitcase and getting all so flustered about it. i remember new years eve when we were just walking around turku and tt unforgetable countdown.

i think of barcelona and i remember all the gaudi stuff.. the park, and the cathedral and just eating expensive spanish food which didn taste tt nice except for the last dinner place we went to. i think of madrid. and i remember listening to the violin by the palace. i remember sitting there for almost an hour just enjoying the atmosphere and the company. and of cos you still owe me my photos.

i think of toronto. and i remember the shithole that i lived in. i remember living with loud roommates who gave me a good time as well at times. i remember not attending all my classes. i remember walking the lonely walks at night just to eat my pizza a few blocks away. i remember smoking in the cold while listening to my ipod. i remember the numbness. i remember the snow. i remember the way i spent my time in missi, in roy ivor.

its always good to be nostalgic once in a while and tonight is once such night. but now i can only think of 619 and 1705.

carpe diem

Recognise that everyday wont be sunny

and when you find yourself lost in the darkness

dont be scared

remember its only in the black of the night that you see the stars

and those stars will lead you back home

so dont be afraid to make mistkes

stumble and fall

cuz most of the time

the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most

maybe you'll get everything you wished for

maybe you'll get more than you ever could have imagined

who knows where life may take you

the road is long and in the end

the journey is the destination.

*

i want you to get into the deep beautiful melancholy of everything that's happened.
- Claire Colburn, Elizabeth Town

broken.

someone once told me.
u are a person who likes to be in control.
u like things to work out as planned.
u are a perfectionist when it comes to your life.
u hate to feel helpless.

so maybe thats the reason behind all of this.

nothing is in my hands right now.
screw all the expectations about coming back.

cant talk to my parents.
studies like fuck.
the 3 most impt people in my life right now:
one is not talking to me,
one is too far away,
one is feeling down and i cant do anything to help her.

maybe im being too hard on myself nowadays.
but nothing is going right.

/sayang/smug/angry/whack/sob/wail.

i wanted to get away.
but everything is coming back.
get me away. to neverland /pls

Stop and Stare.

This town is colder now

I think it's sick of us

It's time to make our move

I'm shakin' off the rust

I've got my heart set on anywhere but here

I'm staring down myself, counting up the years

Steady hands just take the wheel

Every glance is killing me

Time to make one last appeal for the life I lead

Stop and stare

I think I'm moving, but I go nowhere

Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared

But I've become what I can't be

Stop and stare

You start to wonder why you're here not there

And you'd give anything to get what's fair

But fair ain't what you really need

Oh, can you see what I see

.

.

***many thoughts but no words***

Fate.

If its yours, its yours.
just dun let urself down anymore.

Life Choices

Is 8 million dollars enough?

end.

these are my final moments in toronto...in my room...everything is packed and i m ready to go....well not ready mentally but i still have to leave...there's nothing left behind to stay for...... kinda sad that i m leaving this place surprisingly. all i have to say is that....yea i ve learnt much here...i experienced much here and there were special moments that will be in my memories forever..... i m glad to have made all the frens that i made here.... some things caught me pleasantly by surprise here and i will keep whatever that i got from this place. yes it was a shithole at times but some of the memories here will make me remember this place for a long long time.... thanks for everything you're given me... i had one of the most wonderful experience and more :) i never liked saying good byes and its kinda sad really....another chapter of my life is going to end...and i wonder what the future is installed for me. fate will decide.

sheryling: thanks for keeping me sane throughout my entire exchange experience and bearing with all my emoness and shit and a lil whining at times.... i'll see you soon back in singapore where the xlbs are waiting.... :)

sueann: thanks for creating this blog for me so that i can let out my feelings and everything....uve been a great fren and i hope to see you soon when i get back to singapore.

emo: see you at georges.....we have lots of catching up to do.... fucking lots of catching up to do ....

teh: its time for us to start the road trip and it'll be fucking unforgettable.

gd bye toronto. gd bye roy ivor. i'll miss you.

Let's dance in style let's dance for a while,

Heaven can wait we're only watching the skies,

Hoping for the best but expecting the worst,

Are you gonna drop the bomb or not?

Let us die on let us live forever,

Don't have the power but we never say never,

Sitting in the sandpit life is a short trip,

Music's for the sad man

Can you imagine when this race is run,

Turning up our faces into the sun,

Praising our leaders getting in tune,

Music's played by the mad man

Forever young, I want to be forever young,

Do you really want to live forever?

Forever forever,Forever young,

I want to be forever young,

Do you really want to live forever?

Forever, forever...